As an agnostic, I'm not exactly sure of my religious beliefs.
I'd like to believe that there's a higher power, or God that created us. However, I was not raised with a religion or brainwashed to believe anything. My parents, thankfully, let me grow up without biases. Yet I find myself now desiring to have faith in something, I dunno who or what. But I want to believe in something, i want to live for something, and i want to die for something. I feel as if im too uneducated to have a religion yet. I mean, I've gone to churches before. But I really don't believe in the bible, or the torah, or the book of mormon for that matter. Granted I haven't read any of these entirely, but they just seem like fallacies to me. Like a bunch of stories that man created. I'm more of a "see it, to believe it" kind of person. But how can i see God? So maybe I don't have a bible to follow, and maybe I'm not into the the religious culture, and devoting my life to one person, but that doesn't mean I can't believe in God, whoever he or she may be. Sometimes I find myself praying. Many times I need/want something, and sometimes i just feel like believeing that someone hears my prayers to help people in the world. Sometimes I just pray for certain people, or for lots of people. I dunno why. But anyways, I know this sounds selfish but I've doubted God before. I'll think to myself, okay well if God's real he'll prove it and answer this prayer. One time I was trying to win concert tickets on the radio and I said, I'll believe in God if I win these. You'll never guess who won the tickets. Was it a sign? Or just a mere coincidence? I really have no backbone to believe in religion. The reason this is on my mind is because I recently experienced one of these "signs from God" again. The night before my math final, I prayed. I thought of a quote i had heard before "Ask and you shall receive" and even thought, I don't believe in the bible, I wanted to believe in this concept and I decided to give it a shot. I prayed that I would get an A in AP English or a B in AP Calculus. My chances of either were slim since I had borderline grades. I prayed that I'd get the B in math more than the A in English because I needed a B to qualify for CSF. After talking to my teacher he said I needed a 19/22 on my final. That's an A if you didn't realize. I've never gotten an A on a calculus test in my life and yet I'm supposed to ace the final? There was little hope in my mind and after being disheartened by my B in English, I handed my math teacher my final. When I asked "How bad did I do?" He handed me back my paper with a 20/22 on it. I had miraculously gotten my A on my final and managed to get a B- in the class. My desperate prayers were answered, and I feel as if I owe it to God. Now I'm not saying go ahead and pray asking God for whatever your heart desires, I'm just saying, If there is a God, I'd like to think he helped me when I really needed it. I'm going to continue and pray and see what happens. My beliefs on God are to be continued.....
Thursday, October 15, 2009
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