mr. impassive

what happened to you? how did we get to this? there seems to be no more us. no more friendship. you were supposed to be there for me. and i want to be there for you. but you just slip away on me and we lose touch.
Do you feel the tension? when we briefly make eye contact, i hope you see the hurt in my eyes, cause i see the frustration in yours. its like everything is completely stoic. we don’t communicAte at all unless we’re forced to in social situations. we used to tell each other everythiNg. you were the one person i almost trusted completely. but you’re not arouNd anymore, for reasons i cant even explain. i just wanna know whY! why are you doing this again? why do you just stop letting me in your life when things get tough for you? i’ve done nothing but try and be there for you, try and be a good friend. but I don’t want to go somewhere i’m no longer wanted. i almost wanna scream at you how much this upsets me, but i know if you cared enough you would just confront me. and i hope you do, soon.

because out of every friend i’ve had in high school. you were the one that stood around the longest. the one who hardly let me down. the one that still cared about me after all i put you through in the beginning. and I just want you back in my life, if that’s what you want as well. i want you to stay in my life in the future. i hate losing best friends. its unnecessary. i just miss your humor in my life. but i’m not gonna initiate the effort to fix what you’ve stopped.

so i hope you read this, and i hope you care enough to say something. anything at all, letting me know if things are gonna change.

Slap in the Face

As many of you already know, today I encountered a minor injury to the face.
After leaving the locker room, it was raining and windy. I was walking to my car because it was lunch time and I needed to run home and get something.
Conveniently, it starts pouring like crazy so I start to run to my car. (Which was in the BACK of the parking lot.) As I get to my car, I put my key in as quickly as possible and when I opened the door, the wind was strong and it hit me smack dab on the forehead. I semi-blacked out for a moment and when I looked at my reflection there was blood gushing out of my head and throbbing pain. Pouring it was, so I sat in my car. I panicked I would pass out and nobody would find me so I speed dialed my mom. But before she answered I was already bawling and she couldn’t understand what I was saying very well except that I wasn’t okay. So I’m in my car searching for someone to help me but it was in the back like I said, and waaay wet so hardly anyone was out there. I did however, spot my friend Leah, but as I was screaming for her..i think she assumed I was saying hi or couldn’t hear me because she was walking away from me and the rain. Not knowing what else to do I stumbled in the parking lot still looking for anyone familiar because I was dizzy as hell. By the time I got to the cement, Nicole S., Jessica D., and Marissa D. were huddled around me. I didn’t even know what to say because I was soaked, crying and bleeding. Thank god they found a monitor right away and the attendance ladies cleaned up my cut. It wasn’t very big, but my head was swollen and it hurt immensely. Fifteen minutes later, my mom was there and took me home. But man it was not fun sitting at home. My dad made me watch a movie with him, but I kept falling asleep…so he made me drink coffee and made me be cold, just to stay awake. Blah. It’s so mind-boggling how random events occur. I thought today was just a rainy Wednesday but it took me by surprise. I’m okay now despite the pain and the ugly little cut. I just hope the weather clears up and everyone stays safe. Who knew rainy days could cause concussions!?

Work Vs. Play

I’m just 17. I’m still in high school. I’ve been working at the same place for over a year.
And my boss doesn’t understand the importance of extracurricular activities.
Last year, everything was different. I was able to go to school, go to track, and leave a little early, then work 5-9. Granted, my coaches got irritated, and I barely had time to change into work clothes, but I made it all happen.

So now that I’ve been working the 3-9 shift forever, its suddenly such a big deal that a morning worker stays an extra two hours or whatever everyday. I mean, I’ve been running track for 5+ years. I’m not gonna quit now. Granted, my job = my income. But I need to enjoy my youth. I’m gonna be working the rest of my life. So why does “ job come before play.” This isn’t my life. I’m not going to be working here in a year. I want to be able to hang out with friends. And play sports, and enjoy other shit that teenagers do. I HATE constantly working. I mean, I love lots of hours because then I get enough money to pay the bills and enjoy the leftover money. But when do I ever get the time to enjoy it when my daily life consists of:
School, practice, work, gym!?!

So do I work less and maybe not have enough money to fully enjoy stuff with friends?
Or do I work more and have enough money to spend as I please, but miss out on all the fun?

In this economy, I’m extremely grateful to get 28 hrs a week.
But I truly miss out on a lot of school stuff and social stuff just because
“oh I have to work that night.”

It’s a catch 22, what’s your imput?

grimey

Dear person, I hate you so much.
I mean I don’t actually hate you but you make me sick to my stomach

I’m tired of you not knowing. & I’m tired of falling and not being caught.
Why bother?
If you’re unsure of me, then appArently its not going to work.

How come it seems like you’re everything I want and then it falls short?
How come its enough for me and never enough for you?

Why cant you tell me how you feel?
When you have no problem throwing your words to other girls.

I don’t want to want you anymore.
I just need to stop running with scissors.
Your no gooD for me. You cant really look past all the complications.
This sucks for me, like always. But big girls don’t cry.

i know you will never ever take the time to read this.
but how dare you make me feel so much and then hurt me so fast.

Grow up. You could’ve hAd everything, but now you wont.
so much for My happy ending.

moral of the story: when your friends warn you that some guy's probably just trying to get his dick wet....they're right.